Final Fantasy VII With Lyrics - Brentalfloss

Disc one spins, and a tale begins

About a punky dude who’s emo just a bit?

His memory’s shit, but he’s real tight-knit

With a childhood friend who has enormous eyes

He teams up with a guy who’s basically

How Asians think black people really act

And they enlist ecoterrorists

'Cause they’re violent environmentalists

But along the way Cloud goes astray

And he falls into a church

(I pity da fool!)

Meets a chick, they quickly click

And then she’s kidnapped by an evil corp’rate dick

Now the party tries to get her back

But they fail real hard and soon get trapped

Suddenly they’re free

But why, how can this be?

They trace a bloody trail

And find this guy impaled

They ask who knocked him off

A man named Sephiroth

But now they must depart

In a sequence I call «Super Mako Kart!»

Blow by blow, that’s the whole intro

But there is so much more awaiting them

And so just where they’ll go, they don’t even know

That’s when minigames start messing with the flow

Minigames, minigames

So many, so mini

Minigames, many games

Hard to tell things apart

Which is the normal game?

Which is the minigame?

CPR minigame!

Dolphin jump minigame

Battle-bots minigame!

Gay orgy minigame!

Chocobo race minigame!

Snowboarding minigame!

Hypothermia minigame!

Slappedy slappedy minigame!

Submarine minigame!

Thirty cats minigame!

Fall and die minigame!

«Who am I?»

minigame!

In '97, this game took the cake

You might say Squaresoft hit its limit break

Your sales were high, you hit your stride

Not a dry eye

When Aerith die-yied, yes, we cried

But that aside

Your plot has mile-wide gaping holes

And in my eyes

You mostly ride on visuals

Such a technological leap

But the story curve is so steep

Still the fanboys say you’re number one

Sure, you mainstreamed JRPGs

Brought the cartridge guys to their knees

But some things lost got i’n tarnslation!

At least there’s not a sword that’s also a gun!

And in the end, despite the typos

And endless sidequest filler

Less folks woulda played numbers one through six

If seven hadn’t been so killer!

You were ambitious, you had guts

Maybe pie-eyed

Some parts were real kicks in the nuts

But you kicked butts

Oh, F-F-V-I-I

You’re a wonderful, blunderful

Adorable, historical

Tactical, phantasmical

And finally fantastical

Mess