Allie Goertz - Nerf Herder

I’ve got a checklist of all of the things that I want in a girlfriend

I put a lot of time thinking of the attributes

'Cause I’m a detailed oriented guy

And I finally found a woman who’s funny and smart

And likes pastrami

And wears cool glass

And sings about the Simpsons

Yes, her name is Goertz

Yeah, that name is right here on my checklist

Check it out!

All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz

'Cause I like to know what she’s doing

All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts

When Allie Goertz walks by

And she’s friends with Chris Hardwick

And he’s not friends with jerks

Oh, she’s like Lucy Ricardo

And I’m Fred Mertz

Oh, Allie Goertz

Sometimes she makes a tweet

And it’s just so very funny that it makes me cry

'Cause it’s plain to see that she’s out of my league

I get depressed and I have to lie down

Maybe I should write and sing a little song for her

No, that’s a bad idea

That would creep her out and I don’t want to do that

Oh no, I’m already singing a song for her

Somebody stop me!

All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz

'Cause I like to know what she’s doing

All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts

When Allie Goertz walks by

And she’s friends with Chris Hardwick

And he’s not friends with jerks

Oh, she’s like Lucy Ricardo

And I’m Fred Mertz

Oh, Allie Goertz

Parry: Oh, hey Stephen.

Thanks for coming over.

I really appreciate it

Stephen: No problem.

What can I do for you?

Parry: Well see, there’s this girl.

Here’s her picture.

Do you think I should

go for it?

Stephen: Hmm.

I think that you are way too old for this girl

Parry: Too old?

Stephen: Yes

Parry: Dude

Stephen: That’s what I think

Parry: That’s not cool.

That’s ageism and it’s lame.

Forget it.

You take your

little Speak-n-Spell and your Presidential Medal of Freedom and get out of here.

The nerve of that guy

A little birdie chirps

Miley Cyrus twerks

And it’s all for Allie Goertz

All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts

When Allie Goertz walks by

All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz

'Cause I like to know what she’s doing

I eat frozen desserts 'til my head hurts

'Cause they’re sweet and cool like Allie Goertz

All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz

Stephen: Now I will find this Allie Goertz and make her mine.

Ha ha ha ha ha