Star Wars in 99 Seconds - Jon Cozart

Prologue

Long, long time ago, long time ago in a galaxy

Far in a galaxy, far far away

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

There once was a boy slave destined to save space

He wins a big pod race and hits on a queen

Padme’s a cougar

Qui gets killed by Darth Maul who is then chopped in half

Obi Wan must train the one from Tatooine

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

It’s the clone age, sand people rampage

Mommy got flayed, strayed

Ani’s bae is Padme

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Anakin you are breaking my heart

Order is made, Jedi are slain

Kill all the baby tiny younglings

Sid takes the throne, Long live the clones

Burn Ani, turn him to a robo

Episode IV: A New Hope

Leia hides plans, Vader chokes a man

Alderaan’s gone and Han shoots first

You’re my only hopie Obi Wan

Look, a small moon

That’s a space ship

Worshipfullness, walking carpet

This princess better pay out

Use the force, Luke

Close your eyes and shoot

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Lando betrays Han and friends in the sky

Skywalker flies, do or don’t, there’s no try

Try the dark side

No!

No, no!

No!

Luke, I’m your daddykins

Your mom was kissing Anakin

Han’s frozen

I love you

I know

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

It’s father, son and daughter

A dynasty united at last

The galaxy is free from evil

Thanks to the goodness in Darth from the past