Glass Joe's Title Fight - Starbomb

Bonjour!

Hello!

My name is Glass Joe

I’m ze toughest French boxer zat you’re ever gonna know

I’ll score a TKO then drink a fine Bordeaux

And flatten all my opponents like croissant dough

I fight next week for ze champion belt

Mr. Sandman is tough, and I might need a little help

So I hired Doc, he once trained an elf

Named Little Mac so now, I believe in myself!

I’m Doc, hi!

This bitch is gonna die!

His overall record stands at 1 to 99

He’s been hit in the head seventy-five too many times

Now he wants to fight Sandman?

Dear God, WHY?!

His head and his ass are 'bout to go through an estrangement

I think I’ll start making all the funeral arrangements

I have to be responsible and tell him he can’t win

Here’s ten bucks

Fuck it

Let the training begin!

Whoa, whoa

I’ll be the champion

I have the heart of a lion

That’s really not gonna be enough

I’ve got the skills

No, you don’t

I’ve got the power

Wrong again

You’ll never catch me

I am like the Eiffel Tower

That doesn’t move!

Whoa, whoa

I’ll be the champion

I’m building an Arc de Triomphe

That took, like, thirty years to build

Got my beret

My eau de toilette

I’ll break the Sandman like a stale baguette

No sweat!

Now it’s four weeks later

And it’s time for the fight

I’m sad I gotta watch a man die tonight

Do not worry, Doc

Glass Joe is built to last!

You get winded when you open up the fridge too fast!

Your weight training diet’s all wine and cheese

You’ve got the body of a man with an awful disease

Your arm muscles look like a deflated apple fritter

And your punching bag is filled with cotton candy and glitter

Zere’s the bell!

Zanks for your help, Doc!

Yeah, see you in Hell

Zis is my moment, vive la France!

All of my training

Has led to this chance

I benched ten Q-Tips, I ran five feet

I did a half-pushup, victory will be sweet!

There’s Mr. Sandman, here he comes!

But I believe in myself so I have already won!

Whoa, whoa

I’ll be the Champion

I have the heart of--

Oh!

Ah!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ahh!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Whoa, whoa

I like candy corns

Please put them in my donuts

Ugh!

Yo, you beat the French out of him!

I have my…

Ugh!

Agh!

Ough!

My favorite color is seven

Awgh!

No more peanuts for me, stewardess

Godzilla is my dad