Etta Mae's Lament - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Rachel Bloom

I’m the local lady of the evening

And though I like my men and my booze

I pray to above

That I’ll find true love

But no one wants a lady who’s used

Oh, can someone lasso me a husband?

I’m nothing without a husband

The menfolk give me a dollar and a smile

But that don’t lead to walkin' down the aisle

Hey cowboy, can you lasso me a husband?

Though my lover count is over a dozen

Yes, the kissin' is fun and the wine is sweet

But what I really want at night is to rub a farmer’s feet

Get me off of my back and standin' up straight

So I can be the type of lady that you’re not ashamed to date

Get me out of the cathouse and into the kitchen

I’ll wear white and pray to martyrs

I’ll trade in my guns and garters

'Cause there are only two types of women

(Me and virgins you commit to)

Can someone lasso me a husband?

Why are you all bein' so stubborn?

I’m angry and pleased

And a little bit diseased

But you can cure my ills with a husband