The Frogs: Prologos: Invocation and Instructions to the Audience - Stephen Sondheim

Gods of the theatre, smile on us

You who sit up there stern in judgment

Smile on us

You who look down on actors… (And who doesn’t?)

Bless this yearly festival and smile on us

We offer you song and dance

We offer you rites and revels

We offer you grace and beauty

Smile on us for this while

You who sit up there stern in judgment, smile on us

We offer you song and dance

We offer you rites and revels

We offer you gods and heroes

We offer you jokes and insults

We offer you (we offer you) paeans and pageants

Bacchanals and social comment

Bless our play and smile

Yes, but first…

Some dos and don’ts

Mostly don’ts:

Please don’t cough

It tends to throw the actors off

Have some respect for Aristophanes

And please, don’t cough

Please don’t squeak

We haven’t oiled the seats all week

You wouldn’t want to miss a single work of Greek

It’s hard enough for us to hear each other speak

So please, don’t squeak

If you see flaws, please

No loud guffaws, please

Only because, please

There are politer ways

As for applause, please

When there’s a pause, please

Although we welcome praise

The echo sometimes lasts for days…

(Days…days…days…days…)

But first…

(Days…days…days…days…)

Don’t take notes

To show us all you know the famous quotes

And when you disapprove don’t clear your throats

Or throw your crumpled programs, coins and coats

Or tell your neighbor scintillating anecdotes

And please, refrain

From candy wrapped in cellophane

If we should get rhetorical

Please don’t curse

Wait till it’s allegorical

And in verse!

If we should get satirical

Don’t take it wrong

And if, by a sudden miracle

A tune should appear that’s lyrical

Don’t hum along

When we are waxing humorous

Please don’t wane

The jokes are obscure but numerous…

We’ll explain

When we are waxing serious

Don’t squirm or laugh

It starts when we act mysterious

And if you’re in doubt, don’t query us

I’ll signal you when we’re serious

(It's in the second half)

(Half…half…half…half…)

But first…

Please, don’t leave

It only makes the actors grieve

We may have something better up our sleeve

So please

Don’t leave

Don’t say, «What?»

To every line you think you haven’t got

And if you’re in a snit because you’ve missed the plot

(Of which I must admit there’s not an awful lot)

Still don’t

Say, «What?»

(What?)

Do not intrude, please

When someone’s nude, please

She’s there for mood, please

And mustn’t be embraced

If we are crude, please

Don’t sit and brood, please

Let’s not be too strait-laced —

The author’s reputation isn’t based

On taste

So please, don’t fart —

There’s very little air and this is art

And should we get offensive, don’t lose heart

Pretend it’s just the playwright being smart

Eventually we’ll get to the catharsis, then depart

And now…

But first…

We start