2HONEST - Victor Kwesi Mensah, SAINt JHN

Loneliness speaks through my smile

It sings the darkest lullaby

La, la-la-la, la-la, la

La, la-la-la, la-la, la

I called a 51−50 on myself

That’s how you know I need help

I called a 51−50 on myself

That’s how you know I need (Help)

Tears of a fallen soldier, rollin' down my face

One hand stickin' out of my grave

The whole world left me for dead, Michael Jackson’s estate

But I’m too high, I never land

A river that knows its source could never run dry

That’s why I had to cut out the middle man

Hate from all directions assassinatin' my character

I felt like Malcom X in J. Edgar Hoover’s America

I said the truth and I paid for it, I paid for it

I got on my knees and crid to the Lord, I prayed for it

I had bounties on my had when my sister was in my home

Sleepless nights by the chrome, trigger finger next to my dome

Contemplatin' self-destruction, equatin' myself to nothin'

Fixated on my regression, I felt like Benjamin Button

I collapsed in my depression, I just couldn’t write for nothin'

When I stared at my reflection, all that I felt was disgusted

My confidence evaporated, less than a man, I was emasculated

I turned to violence to be validated

Violated probation again and again

My kin and my friends like, «What the fuck is up with you, fam?

Don’t you understand?

Niggas wanna fuck with you, fam

But you keep fuckin' yourself and that fucks with your fans»

Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie, I kept it too honest (Ooh, ooh,

ooh-ooh)

The pain behind your eyes tells me that that’s not what you wanted (Ooh, ooh,

ooh-ooh)

And it’s hard to explain to the people standin' still while you’re runnin' (Ooh,

ooh, ooh-ooh)

I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'

I called a 51−50 on myself

That’s how you know I need help

I called a 51−50 on myself

That’s how you know I need (Help)

Do you know what the fuck it feels like to wake up every day in distress?

Pissed off at yourself, neglect, so you just lay in your mess

And people depend on you, got so much shit on your chest

That your train of thought can’t seem to find a way to express

I find a notebook in my parents' crib from when I was five

I went inside it said «I hate myself, I wanna die,» I cried

I couldn’t even fathom a child feeling so lonely

So next time a nigga tell you 'bout Vic, say they don’t know me

I need to be loved, I need to be loved

I needed the drugs 'cause I couldn’t do it

I couldn’t do it, I was goin' through it

Growin' up, I was a product of my biracial confusion

Neither Black nor White, I guess that made me translucent

I crushed everything I touched

I fucked every single slut, I couldn’t bust

It was a knot in my stomach

I plummet into my dungeon

Down in the depths of my darkness

I’m steppin' over my carcass

I’m comin' out of my hatred

Tired of my heart bein' vacant

I made a promise, won’t break it

I told my mama, «We'll make it»

I told my gang, «We gon' make it»

They won’t give it to us, we’ll take it

One thing that is true is my greatness

Promise I won’t doubt, I’ll believe it

I’m exercisin' my demons, for the last time

Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie, I kept it too honest (Ooh, ooh,

ooh-ooh)

The pain behind your eyes tells me that that’s not what you wanted (Ooh, ooh,

ooh-ooh)

And it’s hard to explain to the people standin' still while you’re runnin' (Ooh,

ooh, ooh-ooh)

I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'

But pardon me, my nigga, isn’t this the life you said that you wanted?

You know the car’s movin' fast, what a view, and the women are stunnin'

And it’s hard when you’re comin' from the bottom, tryin' not to become it

So I’m runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'

Comin', yeah