I'm Not Good At This Adult Shit - Trevor Moore

Holla at ya boy

I’m at the 7−11 parking lot

Patron and La Croix

Well into my 30s and still permanently lit

Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit

I’ve been a grownup for a long time now

Can you help me tie this tie?

Because I don’t know how

All of my friends have good jobs

Houses, pensions and stocks

But moving on is an achievement I can’t seem to unlock

My clothes are all arranged in a giant pile

I think my cat is dead in there 'cause I ain’t seem him a while

Wear clothes four days in a row

Smoke cigarettes in the shower

When I was a kid, by now, I thought I’d work at Nintendo Power

If you invite me out to something I’m probably gonna pass

Tonight is the high school reunion of my senior class

They’re all talking 'bout their children, wives and career paths

While I’m at home high as hell making dick castles in Minecraft

I call this beauty the «Wang Trade Center»

It gets hit by penis planes on the 11th of Scholngtember

And never forget, better yet, always remember

Not a single penis plane hit Tallywhacker 7 ever

Jizz fuel cannot melt steel boners

But insurance paid off double to their Bilder-balls owner

I know, that was a sophomoric rhyme

But that is not all that I’m doing with the years of my prime

I also run a forum for hentai of Land Before Time

This is Little Foot and Ducky engaged in a 69

But it’s embarrassing to be this age and still start to sweat

When someone asks to use your laptop for the internet

Here we go

This game is called «Autofill Russian Roulette»

And there’s only 3 safe letters in the alphabet left

Oh god, please don’t let 'em type a «Y» or a «P»

Or an «X» or an «R» or a «T» or a «B»

Yo, on second thought, hey, give that laptop back to me

Angle the screen and discreetly click «Reset History»

Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit

Holla at ya boy

I’m at the 7−11 parking lot

Patron and La Croix

Well into my 30s and still permanently lit

Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit

Holla at ya boy

I’m at the 7−11 parking lot

Patron and La Croix

Well into my 30s and still permanently lit

Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit

Huh, maybe I don’t respect myself

Taco Bell 4 times a week

I don’t do this for my health

But I cannot eat at home because it always makes me nauseous

Brita filter ain’t been changed since «W.»

was still in office

Yeah, take to the streets we runnin' all this

Doughnuts in the parking lot

Down at where the new mall is

So while you sit and watch TV with your dumb wife and dumb baby

I’m out there bombing the city and got the whole squad with me

Yeah, the squad’s pretty much just Raoul

He speak English not that good, but he still seems pretty cool

He doesn’t know it, but he’s probably like my closest friend

He lets me read magazines without having to buy them

Dinner at a gas station

Taking out some cash

Eat an egg salad sandwich

Standing over the trash

Got so much garbage in the car that I can’t see out the back

My entire grocery list is just liquor and snacks

Every day, when I wake up, I eat a bag of Sour Worms (x4)

It’s time I grow up, but I don’t know how to start

For Halloween, I gave kids Nicorette and old Pop-Tarts

Sleep with the TV on, 'cause I’m not cool with the dark

And I’ll turn around and go home instead of parallel park

Friend’s wife is breastfeeding at brunch on the strip

Put my shades on so they can’t tell I’m trying to see Nip

Still need to ask them both to help me figure out what to tip

Then take an Uber home because it’s noon and I’m pretty ripped

And I don’t know if it’s heroic or depressing as shit

But I don’t think I’ll figure life out

So I might as well quit

And if you ever get tired of trying to work it all out

You know where to come and find me if you want to hang out

Holla at ya boy

I’m at the 7−11 parking lot

Patron and La Croix

Well into my 30s and still permanently lit

Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit