Guglielmo Tell - William Tell - Guillaume Tell - Spike Jones, Джоаккино Россини

It’s a beautiful day for the race

Stu Chan is the favorite today

Assault is in there

Dog Bisquit is three to one

Safety pin has been scratched

And at twenty to one, Feitlebaum

Now the horses are approaching the starting gate

And, eh, there they go

And it’s Stu Chan going to the front

Cabbage is second on the rail

Beautiful Linda is third by a length

And Feitlebaum, around the first turn

Stu Chan is still in front

Cabbage is second by a head

(Cabbage by a head)

Beautiful Linda is third

And Feitlebaum into the back stretch

Dog Bisquit is now leading the pack

Lady Avalon is second, very close

Banana is coming up through the bunch

(Banana coming up through the bunch)

And Feitlebaum

At the half Stu Chan still out in the front

Apartment House is second with plenty of room

Assault is passing battery

(Assault and battery)

Notary’s Old Jack is fourth

And in last place by ten lengths I believe it is, yes

It is Feitlebaum around the turn heading for home

It’s Stu Chan and Dog Bisquit and Girdle in the stretch

Flying Sylvester is third and Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear

(Oh, oh, oh)

And now they come down to the wire

And it’s number one and now number two

And it’s very close

It’ll either be a photo finish or an oil painting

And now Louis speaks with the left

And Louis is in there

Slugging and it’s a battle

And now they are tearing hair

There’s hair all over the ring

There’s hair all over the place

I don’t know whose hair it is

It' mine and there goes the winner…

Feitlebaum