Not the Night Wind - Nana Grizol

Morning breeze comes blowing in as pressure starts to fade

Me I wake up early now, I know it’s a cliche

Oh but you’ll never find me sleeping at the end of any day

It’s far too much to find my primed imagination

It wonders through the night despite my petty protestations

But you’ll never know I won’t disclose the worried state I’m in

I do so value my composure it’s unclear where to begin

Between the headlines read and endless dread or anxious moments when

I just interpret with the best faith that I can

But uncertainty unwelcome always comes to foil my carefulest laid plans

There are things we didn’t ever used to talk about

The excitement in the evening just before the stars came out

Like the rustling in the shadows in the park

Like how we wandered off alone to find what we feel in the dark

Like how it doesn’t just get easy 'cause you start

With your head laid on the shoulder of some boy you barely knew

Your unsleeping mind meandered through the things you did and didn’t do

And uncertain in the morning you’d remember it was true

And on the wings of it you flew into the next town

For the next few days you smiled and said you’re glad you came around

Oh but the blowback’s never easy when you’re not sure what it means

The flipside of euphoria is still this mess it seems

And when you found a path less traveled doubt just climbed inside your dream

There’s always something saying you’re not obeying

Some central laid out principles of being

I wanna say we are a people ever aching from self doubt

Not that it’s so unique, it’s just a thing to think about

I mean our parents model virtues of the workplace of the house

But not the night and not the road and not the family we find out in the cold

Not to be tender-hearted sending our fear usefulness when old

And you wondered what it meant to be politically queer

So when I’m lost within my longing is it politics I hear?

But the way you felt so strong among the ones you held so dear

It wasn’t home it’s someplace that you could believe in

Now the rents are rising and your closest friends are leaving

Over the things we didn’t ever used to talk about

Like how pretenses and purity just drenched us in self doubt

Like how we arrive imperfect as we are

Like how the night wind felt more changeable than cold and distant stars

Like how sometimes it just all still seems so far