The Evil Prince - Frank Zappa

Somewhere, over there, I can tell

I guess so

Theres the voice of

A potato-headed whatchamacallit

Whoo, do tell!

Who does not wish me well!

His clothes are quite stupid

And also his shoes!

Ain’t no bussiness like show business

He’s got a big ol duck-mouth!

Who knows how he chews!

He thinks he knows something

About THE GREAT PLAN!

How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS

Must RULE and COMMAND

He knows not a drop

Not a crumb

Not a whit

Of the reason for doing

This criminal shit

And then, if he did

Would it matter a bit?

Not at all!

Because IT IS WRIT:

Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD

Tends to CERTIFY IT:

Only the boring and bland shall survive!

Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!

Take it or leave it, you won’t be alive

If you are overtly CREATIVE!

Fairies and faggots and queers are

CREATIVE

All the best music on Broadway is

NATIVE

Who will step forward

And end all this trouble?

For beige-blandish citizens

Clutching the rubble

Of vanishing dreams

Of wimpish amusement

Replaced by a rash

Of CREATIVE confusement!

Soon, my brave Zombies

Youll make your return!

Broadway will glow!

Broadway will burn!

(Along with the remnants of

EVERYTHING NEW)

My HOLY DISEASE will do

Wonders for you!

Those lovely producers

Who paid for you then

Will do it again, and again, and again!

The spying potato

The spying potato

With horrible diction

And terrible diction

Will rot in the garbage

I can smell it right now

When this shows eviction

Takes place shortly after

My alternate skill

Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE

Triumphs YOUR will!

I’ve a special review

Yes I know you really do!

I’ve been saving for years

Yes I know you really have

For a show just like this

For a really stupid show

With POTATOES and QUEERS

I’ll say its disgusting, atrocious, and dull

I’ll say it makes boils inside of your skull

I’ll say its the worst -of-the-worst of the year

No wind down the plain, and its hard on your ear

I’ll say its the work of an infantile mind

I’ll say that its tasteless, and that you will find

A better excuse to spend money or time

At a Tupper-Ware Party, wee-oo

So, do be a smarty!

Oo-oo-wee-oo

Hold on to that dollar

A little while longer

For spending it here

Why, it couldn’t be wronger!

WHATS HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?

WHERES IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?

THE HEART AND SOUL

THE PATTER?

THE PITTER?

And after this deadly review hits the paper

In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER

To legally execute all that remains

Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

Drug-addled brains, drug addled brains

Hold on to that g-string

A little while longer

For spending it here

Why, it couldn’t be wronger!

WHATS HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?

WHERES IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?

THE HEART AND SOUL

THE PATTER?

THE PITTER?

And after this deadly review hits the paper

In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER

To legally execute all that remains

Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

Hey hey, hey hey, hey hey, brai-hains.