Crew Slut - Frank Zappa

But one night, at the Social Club meeting

Mary didn’t show up

She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory

In order to get a pass

To see some big rock group for free

Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress, is wiping the

remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from

the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the

front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were

stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink

mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by

performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System

Hey, hey, hey all you girls in these industrial towns

I know you’re prob’ly gettin' tired of all the local clowns

They never give you no respect, they never treat you nice

So perhaps you oughta' try a little friendly advice

And be a crew slut

Hey, you’ll love it

Be a crew slut

It’s a way of life

Be a crew slut

See the world

Don’t make a fuss, just get on the bus

Crew slut

Add water, makes its own sauce

Be a crew slut

So you don’t forget, call before midnite tonite

The boys in the crew are just waiting for you

You never get to move around, you never go nowhere

I know yer prob’ly gettin' tired of all the guys out there

You always wondered what it’s like to go from place to place

So, darlin', take a little ride on the mixer’s face

And be a crew slut

Just follow the magic footprints

Be a crew slut

Hey, you’ll love it!

Be a crew slut

It’s a way of life

I ain’t gonna squash it and you don’t need to wash it!

Crew slut

Hey, I’ll buy you a pizza

Be a crew slut

Of course I’ll introduce you to Warren

The boys in the crew are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time,

borrow some of the big rock group’s equipment and have a blues jam session,

indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of

raw talent, as well as massive meat.

Obviously impressed with LARRY’S ability

to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it,

MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication,

listening intently as LARRY continues to sing.

Well you been to Alabama, girl, 'n Georgia too

And all the boys in the crew is bein' good to you

I know you’re sayin' to yourself «This is the way to go»

Cause when you need a little extra they will give you some mo'

Cause you’re the crew slut

I’m into leather

That’s good!

Crew slut

A lot of the boys in the crew love leather

And rubber?

Crew slut

Yeah, they like rubber too… shrink-tubing with a hair dryer

Trade your spot on the bench for a guy with a wrench

And be a crew slut

Ha ha ha

You like that, huh?

Crew slut

I told you you’d love it

It’s a way of life!

The guys in the crew

Have got a present for you!

A present for me?

We got a present for you!

Whaddya got?

Whaddya gonna give me?

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47

You’ll love it

With leather?

Eh errr, eh eh… This is the Central Scrutinizer, again

And so Mary was enticed away from Joe

By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket

Lured into a life of sleazery…

With the entire road crew of some famous rock group…

I don’t know whether it was really Toad-O or not…

I don’t know… I’ll check it out-

Again we see music causing big trouble!