Titan Quest - Dan Bull

Greetings, young soldier

Come, join me by the fire

And let me regale you with tales of what the fuck is cracking

We’re in an ancient time

We face an ancient threat

Civilisation’s never dreamt this kind of danger yet

Historians are self-assured

But they forget the daily tribulations

Of the cases from the place and age who met

Mythological creatures

With the oddest of features

At this moment there’s no place

Fricking horrid as Greece is

Until I cross the seas to Egypt

And see that

When they say they’ve got a problem

They really mean it

For Prometheus

It seems that getting me’s the easiest

Way they could alleviate the evil that is bleeding us

But I’m one of leagues of heroes

You best believe in us

It takes every drop of faith to battle evil thus

I tackled hell fire

To travel to Delphi

And fight what I find

From Jackalmen to Telkines

I leave at least ten beastmen deceased, dead

Each second

'Cause I reckon they don’t really even need breath

I cleave heads like a watermelon

Before telling a merchant

Whatever he still hasn’t bought, I’m selling

I’ve got to get the loot

The best produced

So I look fricking godlike

Whenever I’m next to you

From Greece to China

You’ll never see a finer sort

I keep a pile of horns of Minotaurs

And Gorgon Queens' vaginal walls

Purely for the reason

That I could arrive at home

And write and then recite this vile rhyme for y’all

I never meant to babble on

But when I get to Babylon

I’m still only part way

On the hard path I travel on

You won’t find a travelodge

Here in the wilderness

The plains are just as dangerous

As every building is

Filled with a selection of enemies to be killed

And it’s down to you how you choose skills

That you will kill them with

Are you built like a brick shit house

Or is using spells more a soothing sound?

Ensure you’re choosing well

I’m felling skeletons

As if I’m an elephant

Then a second later

I’m repelling them with elegance

They’re in the closet

And I’m burying the evidence

I call the force of nature

Every one of the four elements

I’ve been through countless winters

Heat that’d burn hell to cinders

Just to lead me now

To the heaving mound at Mount Olympus

I climb and shout

Oi

Come out now and fight the best

Mortal to walk tall

The final bout of Titan Quest

Bards

Now you may just think these are the

Ramblings of a drunken old soldier

And you’d probably be right

But when the shit hits the fan

Whatever a fan is

Don’t say I didn’t warn you