The Gospel According to Trademark West - Dan Bull, The Slapdash Rapper

Hello sir, good morning

Please answer the door

We’ve been knocking for an hour

And we’d really like your attention for a second

We’ve a message for you

Bless you

Yes, you need to hear the good news

Of our Saviour, our blessed destiny manifest

Let me tell you about our Lord and Saviour, Kanye West

Kanye loves you

And you should love Kanye

More importantly Kanye loves Kanye

Kanye is the brightest

The best and the boldest

And we know this

Because Kanye Told us

He wakes in the morning with his flawless skin

In an enormous four poster bed and he grins

Jawline to die for plus he’s married to Kim

In a gorgeous Fur coat that he’s already in

And you can forget cologne

Kanye farts pure pheromones

A full length mirror by the bog

Watch the Throne

See he makes the best cup of tea

He only uses half a sugar but it tastes like three

He steps out of his mansion if the skies are grey

Claps his hands and the fans come and brighten his day

He waves to the waiting paparazzi

Passes a tray of lemonade

And a plate of panda pasties

It’s not nasty

That he should make a tasty snack, see

They’re mating in his garden

And he’s bringing back the species

Then he sees and fistbumps the postman

Praise Yeezus!

More fanmail to open

When I say he’s from the street

I mean he’s on the street

Greeting everyone he meets

And it’s beyond belief

Knocked up my wife with a high five

The highlight of my life

Sired a child on my behalf

My, what a nice guy

I know right

But with genetics this miraculous

Why would he even need to remix his ejaculate?

When asexual eugenics is exceedingly spectacular

Erection?

Fabulous!

Conception?

Miraculous!

He sleeps with Kim for fun, but he really doesnt need to

When Kanye reproduces he splits like an amoeba

He’s the key to prevent humanity’s destruction

He can build IKEA flatpacks without the instructions

He transcends the proletariat’s class struggle

He can travel through time

And he can juggle

He visited the third world, made dirty water sanitized

Met an orphan girl and Autotuned her daddy back to life

Brought peace to the Middle East

And ceased global conflict

Manipulates the world so it’s just the way he wants it

Reiterates for all that he can silence the racists

Who are you to say he’s not the first black spaceship?

Leaps into the sky seeding life on other planets

The universe can’t even exist without him, can it?

What’s triggered this?

He’s shrieking his lungs out

He’s talking gibberish and speaking in tongues

Wow