Sea of Thieves - Dan Bull

Ahoy, mateys

Lovely day

There’s nothing like a life at sea

Breathe in the briny breeze, you’ll never feel quite as free

A perfect day for paddling, so, come and dive with me

I wear a pair of peg legs to hide the fact I’m five-foot-three

There lurks a sight to see, beneath the gleaming surface

That just happens to be here like it was on purpose

But a pirate’s only duty’s answering the call of booty

Through all the beauty, mutiny, the loot and the appalling cruelty

You won’t have a long life expectancy

I mean respectfully, what do you expect at sea?

When you’re stepping in a grapeshot’s trajectory

It’s balls meets balls, what a mess of a vasectomy

On Devil’s Ridge beneath the sands

The gold lies hidden from thieving hands

Seek the cursed boar shrine, where there is no sky

It lies in wait for a light held high

Where’s the treasure hiding on this desert island?

Guess we’d better find 'em

But these skeleton fellows are intending to pile in

Well if they want to pile in, we’ll leave them in a pile

In a heap, we reamed them into pieces like a hymen

Jesus, even I can’t believe the things I’m rhyming

Blame my rhyming dictionary, because it isn’t very…

Stop to admire the view and have a bit of fruit

It’s not just ammo that the cannon here can shoot

On Devil’s Ridge beneath the sands

The gold lies hidden from thieving hands

Seek the cursed boar shrine, where there is no sky

It lies in wait for a light held high

Now, that the time’s arrived to head into the cave

I’m suddenly not feeling so particularly brave

So it’s lucky, lucky for me that I’m with my mates

I’ll just stay here at the back to guarantee we can escape

Yeah, I’ll just look at these pictures, you go ahead

Umm, you alright in there, bro?

Oh, he’s dead

Hold your lantern high, behold the rancid sight

If I were you, I’d take a moment to ensure your pants are dry

On Devil’s Ridge beneath the sands

The gold lies hidden from thieving hands

Seek the cursed boar shrine, where there is no sky

It lies in wait for a light held high

I’m sure your chest ought to be somewhere northwest

More or less over there, below the floor, I guess

Aw, yes!

Let’s get it, leg it and do one

Before the skeleton’s get a sniff and tear us a new one

Do you want to be one like sailors in the past have?

No?

Then run away, no one’s invented satnavs

Left, right, up, down, it doesn’t matter, what’s the diff'?

You’ve got no option, so just fricking bomb it off the cliff

Plummet into rock pools, I’m not gonna stop, fools

I’ve got jewels and my crew’s got tools

What you gonna do?

You’re too skinny to be starting trouble, fellows

Back to the ship in a jiffy, quick, we’re parked on double yellows

I swear, every time we check the map, we get attacked

And when I work out who keeps doing that, they’ll get a slap

I’ve only just redecorated in my cabin

Grabbing some ammo, then get straight into the cannon

Hit the deck of a ship that’s wrecked, showing disrespect

Whip out my pistol, blast the captain into bits of flesh

There’s nothing like the stench of singed gunpowder, it’s the best

Ah, so, this is why they call this middle deck the mess

You should switch the decor up in here, I’ve got a bit depressed

I’d better ditch and jet to collect the biggest cheque

Hoist the main sails, man the tiller, wheel or rudder

We’re feeling good and…

Wait, come back!

Oh, bugger!

On Devil’s Ridge beneath the sands

The gold lies hidden from thieving hands

Seek the cursed boar shrine, where there is no sky

It lies in wait for a light held high

Captain?

Ain’t those lyrics copyrighted from the game or something?

Well, yes, they probably are

But what do you expect?

We’re pirates!