Oh No Mario! - Dan Bull

Why are video games so bloody violent?

Mindless?

Man, it’s time to rewind

To a time where the action was colourful and innocent

Moms and dads didn’t have to be diligent

Didn’t have to panic for the kids becoming militant

Mario’s back and it’s brilliant

I’m a wholesome character that’s suitable for children

A real role model when I’m leaping off a building

Come on kids, follow me

Follow me

One

Two

Three

Jump off

And weeeeee

Dash through traffic shouting «tally ho»

Can you run down the road as fast as Mario?

I’m a show you pipes

A variety of types

Hash pipes

Crack pipes

Pass me a light

I’m jacked up on mushrooms

Listening to rush tunes

Puff, puff, pass me the carrot

Motherfuck you

Fuck

Yeah

Oh no Mario!

Fuck

Yeah

Oh no Mario!

Fucking listen

Roll up to the club and I jump on the table

Engage in R-rated behaviour that’s shameful

Fuck the haters straight up mate

You can jump on a turle, and make it painful

I’m only saving princess Peach

To get a piece and pinch her peaches

Preach!

I’m going to break that bum when I get her home

But I’ve got the shakes man, I’m coming off the methadone

So I scoff another plate full of goombas

Make her suck me off on the rug like a roomba

Oorah

Rebel rabble rouser

That’ll yank down bowser’s trousers

And I sell drugs, plumbing is a front

I’m addressing every woman as a cunt

Roughing up a punk

While I’m puffing on a blunt

Duppy motherfuckers and I stuff them in the trunk

Fuck finishers in Mortal Kombat

Oh no Mario!

Mario’s already been there, don’t that

Oh no Mario!

Fuck Carmageddon

And fuck Manhunt

Oh no Mario!

Mario’s worse, he’s a God damn cunt

Oh no Mario!

Spin my hat front to back then back to front

I bet you can’t do that, you cunt

I’m a little fucking fat fucking plumber

Fucking taking on fucking any fucking comer

I’m a

Loose cannon on the loose

With an appetite for animal abuse

Don’t like jews

I don’t like you

Don’t like anybody, hang them from a noose

Enacting atrocities

Cruelty of all kinds

Bloodbaths

Massacres

Slaughter

And war crimes

Napalming your jungle leaves

While I’m shaking the junk in my dungarees

But you won’t get a crumb from me

Because I’m from the streets of New Donk City

Out the Barrio

And I’m heading for hell

It’s a me Mario

Beheading infidels

Fuck Saints Row

Fuck Grand Theft Auto

Oh no Mario!

Mario’s going to come and cut your throat

Oh no Mario!

Fuck Doom

Fuck hatred

Oh no Mario!

Mario’s raping all that is sacred

Oh no Mario!