Gunslinger - Dan Bull

Listen up, brother

Got a little rhyme for you

But I gotta tell you

I ain’t no durn singer

I’m a gunslinger

Who’s a better gunslinger?

That’s a humdinger

Blood blister on my one finger from triggers

And I don’t hunt deer

So chump, here’s something I’d like to advise

Better run for your life if you’d like to survive in the frontier

It’s like you drunk beer, brain ain’t configured

A word to the wise and your mind will become clear

Bright as the lights on the rides of a fun fair

So come bring your Jesse James and Billy the Kid

I’ll make a mess of their brains and fill 'em with lead

And I will until every damn villain is dead

Then I’m bringin' the sheriff a bag full of their heads

Handlin' any man that is plannin' to stand in my path

Because I’m heavy-handed with every bandit I wrangle with

And we’re in a century that hasn’t any ambulances

So best pack your best brandy and bandages

When I’m rat-a-tat-tattin' on my gatling guns

The blast attacks faster than my battlin' puns

A LeMat in my one hand and another in my other

So get runnin' for cover, you would you rather be buggered?

Shots, I’m lickin' off like the sugar on my cherry strudel

I’m quick on the draw, call me Mary Doodles

I’m gettin' reward money to bury people

And as a result, I never need to be very frugal

'Less you want your tooth pulled, pay the dentist

I break rackets as if it’s an angry game of tennis

Don’t hate the player, no, hate the business

I make a livin' from wanted posters: Jay McGuiness

Forget a hook

I ain’t no durn singer

Brother, look

I’m just a gunslinger

So forget a hook

I ain’t no durn singer

Brother, look

I’m just gonna get some dynamite and then I’ll light my pipe

And when the timing’s right, I’ll set the skies alight

Kind of like Juarez calls for Silas Greaves

To make you fall like a pile of leaves

Shootin' line after line after line of thieves

And I’ve touched more gold than a miner’s sleeves

When I wield dual revolvers, you’ll feel the coldness

Once in a blue moon, I’m using my holsters

Shootin' my Colt, I’m too skilled to falter

Is it any wonder saloons here are closed?

When you bring a whole platoon filled with soldiers

I barbecue fools, a new meal for vultures

High noon, we’re overdue for elevenses

I left the saloon, it was strewn with your severed limbs

Bringin' just a shoe to a shootout

To kick your booty so brutally, you’ll never get my boot out

Forget a hook

I ain’t no durn singer

Brother, look

I’m just a gunslinger

So forget a hook

I ain’t no durn singer

Brother, look

I’m just a gunslinger

I’m just a mean-ass gunslinger

And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be

But lemme tell you

That’s all I ever wanna be

A mean-ass gunslinger, pardner

Beg your pardon, ma’am