Crystal Maidens - Dan Bull

Look, imagine a YouTuber promoting a porn game

Okay, I guess, as long he doesn’t do more of the same

He got away with it once, but twice’d be whoring for fame

Oh, how the mighty have fallen for shame

It finally seems Dan Bull’s befallen his fate

If you’re confused, let me tell you the story to date

I was a rapper with a stack of subscribers

Who were notified every time a track was online

But something happened overnight, we got mass demonetised

And the site was hiding many raps that I’d provided

Naturally, I was like: «what the hell was this shit?»

And found out it was algorithmic

It wasn’t just me that had failed to get hits

A load of other people were well restricted

It seems YouTube want to sell to kid-friendly brands

Using Ellen, Jimmy Fallon and Will Smith

Should have predicted it, but I’m a bit thick

So now I’ve gotta take a risk to get hits

And if you clicked this, it must have worked

You were once a sub, now you’re a customer

So I’m not apologizing for the way I monetise

Anyhow, even if it’s sexualized

These are decedant times calling for decadant measures

So I advertised a game aimed at sexual pleasure

I made a monster

An unholy creation

I made a monster

Just to pay for my vacation

A raging monster

Far too outrageous to mention

I raised this monster

Now it’s aching hard for vengeance

They gave me a sacred sword

And I used it to slay, good Lord

It was made to measure, I slayed some orcs

Then I slayed some flesh, I made some cheddar

Hung it on the wall, put away forever

Then the phone called, don’t take it (hello?)

It was them again

It was Nutaku

I tried resisting their charms, it was hard to

They required me to take up the sword

I was like: «no way, I was mistaken before»

Said «I don’t care how much they could afford

That great big pink thing’s staying on my wall»

They said: «fine, we’ll call our new friend, he um

He’s called The Stupendium»

I flinched so quick, I tore my frendulum

I said «he can’t have it, I already envy him»

Give it to anyone, but don’t give it to that prick

I’ll do the deal, curse your shifty tactics

And that was it, I gave in

Time for misbehaving and saving the Crystal Maidens

Obey the master

Give in to our temptation

Obey the master

Venture from your mother’s basement

Obey the master

Until you master patience

Obey the master

Whose full name is Master Bation

Shipwrecked on a mythical island

The agitator was an evil wizard called Pai

Really miserable type, bloody typical gaiden

Felt of bit of pity for the little poor guy

'Til I felt a bit of titty when I met a cool gal

Who was pretty, she consented, it was ethical, pal

If you’re messing with the maidens, you’re getting called out

They’ll dictate your fate and with nothing ruled out

So this wizard Pai who was plaguing the maidens

Came up and made such a clichéd statement

Said if I want to save the day

Well then, I needed to fight the demon-o'-tization

They made a monster

An unholy creation

Beware this monster

It will truly try your patience

A raging monster

Ruining entire nations

What is this monster?

The demon-o'-tization

I needed to fight the demon-o'-tization

Before it took away all of my savings

Luckily, my sword was just ripe for penetration

So I stuck the blade right up his reputation

No lubrication, toppled right to the ground

Suppose you could say it was a copyright takedown

The maidens were safe, but no time for celebration

There’s another enemy requiring preperation

Suddenly, I had another strange visitation

From the sage saying it was imperative I set up

A base straight away and start training creators

To take on the greatest of dangers we’ve faced yet

A gartantuan, robotic abomination

The monster with 13 arses

They made a monster

So wrong, it could not be right

They made a monster

With 13 bottoms, why?

They made a monster

One we’ve all got to fight

They named this monster

Robocopyright