Pistol in the Bathroom - Dan Bull, Bonecage

But I honestly just fell out the back of a plane

Landed in a random bit of abandoned real estate

Then ran straight into the nearest place and here I stayed in the can

The place is a mess, but it’s better than the outside (true)

And so I’m making a nest to settle down, hide

No doubt I’ll cause an outcry, called a coward

, but it’s not that, it’s just everyone else is overpowered (wa)

Would I like a vast exciting island to explore?

Err, thanks, but, no thanks

I’d rather hide behind this door not coming out (yeah)

Somebody’s got to sort the plumbing out, blomming hell

You want to run around?

Go bother someone else

Of all the places y’all could urinate, you’re all up in my face

This ain’t the place to fornicate in or negate the call of the nature

Sorry mate, we’re all devoid of toilet paper, call in later

This cubicle’s engaged, go locate a stall that’s vacant (ha)

I’ve got important business, that’s taking concentration

Waiting for the game to finish and faking constipation (uh)

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (uh)

Somebody was cleaning their gun

While they were taking a shit

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom

I’m going to number one

With the gun I found in the bathroom

Oi Dan, what’s the hold up?

Shh, nothing, I’m holed up and ready to unload on any soldier that rolls up (wa)

I’ll leave your skull bust open like a walnut (wah)

With a hole in the middle like a bone donut

That was a trigger warning, so don’t say I never told you

That you won’t see me on the leaderboards, if you scroll up (pff)

I need to pass the time, I’m really bored

Oh look!

Found some make up in the cabinet

And now I’m dolled up, dragged up

Sat on the bog and draggin on a roll up

This lavatory seat’s freezing, I’ve got a cold butt (wo)

Now, you may say the way I play is soulless

I say it’s realistic using the head of my shoulders

Because while everybody else is chasing after gold dust

I’m laying back and selling shovels in the gold rush

'm in a toilet stall with a bullet hole in the wall

But if you go for glory, then I’ll go for your balls

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody was cleaning their gun

While they were taking a shit (uh)

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom

I’m going to number one

With the gun I found in the bathroom

Gnarly, how can you aim a shot at somebody you can’t see?

No one saw me standing there, not even Paul McCartney (bruv)

You want me?

Fucking well, come and find me

I’ll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sarnies (jeez)

Now I’m not weapons trained and I don’t know karate

But I’ll fight you and your family and your army

If you think I’m coming out this bathroom — hardly

I’ll be the last one in the

chocolate factory like Charlie

Aw, you’re not invited, it’s a one man party

Not sharing my shelter for shit, I’m not Bob Marley

Not going to get up, stand up

There’s too much burning and looting and having the gun jamming’s

A concern, when you’re shooting

Try my pioneering new type of conflict resolution

Hiding where guys are normally performing their ablutions

Just remember, when you’re done to flush the latrine

This is the secret to the way I keep so fresh and so clean

If you’re haveng PUBG problems, I feel bad for you, son

I beat ninety nine opponents and I haven’t shot one

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (woo)

Somebody was cleaning their gun

While they were taking a shit (hah)

I found a pistol in the bathroom

Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (me?)

I’m going to number one

With the gun I found in the bathroom