My Sperm Is Healthy - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Pete Gardner

My sperm is nice and healthy

In terms of sperm, I’m wealthy

I’m like Warren Buffett

I got so much of it

That’s what my doctors tell me

My point is in a nutshell

Each time I bust, I bust well

I got the quantity

And the quality

No IUD is stoppin' me

'Cause my semen’s steamin' like a demon

And all the surrogates be screamin'

Just give me some of that

Premium-grade baby batter

I never splatter

My sperm, my sperm

Is no cause for concern

My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!

Gee whiz!

I got the best sperm in the biz

My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy

Even though I’m no teenager

My boys still throw a rager

They get bottle service

In every cervix

Blowin' eggs up like a pager

Every lady’s gettin' fertilized

Got a diaphragm?

It’s gettin' pulverized

My sperm shines brighter than the sun

So wear special glasses or avert your eyes

Give thanks my tank’s not shootin' blanks

I’m in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks

Not a castaway

But I blast away

That thing I do

Is inseminate you

With my sperm, my sperm

The tests have all confirmed

His sperm is healthy!

His sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!

Gee whiz!

My sperm just aced the quiz

My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy