Not Now - Cadet, Sangeet

Aight, venting

It feels like a nigga needs help

I don’t wanna say too much though

'Cause it feels like I’ve got nothing to myself

Already said about Stereotype, and I’ve said everything about Slut

I told you lot about waiting by the window

How my father was really on drugs

But shit ain’t changed that much though

Look, what am I gonna do — lie?

What’s the point up in that?

If you already know my life

You already know about Gipset days

Violate cousin get banged in the face

And we done the whole 'Krept's cousin'

I’m my own man, look how I sit in my ways

And I know that you wanna hear a story

And I’ma give you one, nigga, pipe down

But this one ain’t about back then, this one’s about right now

So Allah, I beg you guide me

And make everything that I say be truth

I just want them to understand so they can see the world in my views

But anyway, now where was we?

My father, you were an idol to me

Even downloaded Twitter I remember, for me

Just so he could retweet

Anyway, shit’s so good in the hood

And I still live with my dad in the city

Normally the vibe’s calm in the house

Last month he’s been moving iffy

I’m like «yo, pops, what’s going on?»

He says «I'm gonna tell you»

I say «when?»

And right now a nigga be nervous

Normally, he would address shit there and then

See, aight, it’s bait

But he wants time, to plan and see what he’s gonna say

I won’t put you through the nervous wait

Cool, I’ll skip this a couple of days

I’m praying, Lord, I’m praying for some bad days

All these problems got me in my ways

Man I lose myself thinking about all this pain

Now when the tables gonna turn my way?

There’s no quitting now

Listen, I’m the man now

And I can’t give up now

I need you to stick around

Now he takes me and my sister shisha

We just wanna know what’s going on

He’s telling man his usual jokes

We’re looking at him like «dad, what’s wrong?»

He’s still telling his jokes and the shisha I smoke

Snapping and getting out the camera

Right in the middle of his jokes and his banter

Hear this man say something about cancer

Of course, he tries to carry on talking

Sis is crying and me, I go stiff

And he’s saying shit like «they caught it early»

It’s normal shit, he’ll be normal quick

Maybe I sound naive and shit, but I didn’t think that stuff really exists

I thought that shit only happened on the TV

Never saw one so close to the kid

So nah man, I ain’t tryna hear that

Fuck that, I ain’t tryna hear that

Not my dad, I ain’t tryna hear that

Not my pops, I ain’t tryna hear that

So now what I gotta see my dad go through

On top all that shit that my dad’s gone through

He’s just gone from a crackhead to a king

Like, how much shit can a man go through?

And every day after that was stress

'Cause every week after that was tests

Learning shit about keyhole surgery

Spending hours on the NHS

A date gets set for the operation

Now we just gotta get prepared

He’s staying strong like a father should

But look in his eyes, I can see that he’s scared

Anyway, operation’s success

The cancer’s gone

But now he’s so weak

I don’t wanna ask dumb questions, like «dad, are you okay?»

Look, so I don’t speak

And me, I don’t talk, me, I just stare

And I don’t even know my tough stuff

Just my brain it can’t comprehend, seeing Superman so fucked up

So that night I slept there

Well, you know, just as much as I can sleep

I’m so close to my dad, his guardian angel’s gotta try and get through me

Remember that story — when I was a young one I missed my birthday and fell

asleep by the window

Now I’m sleeping next to my dad, and I’m moving the cover every time that the

wind blows

Told him rest for six weeks

But the second week he was back in the office

Taking care of business

Man, I hate it but I guess that’s what a boss is

Taking care of a fucked up me, my sisters and my little bro

Still being the whole head of the family

Hear nanny saying that she wanna go but

Fuck man

My dad, you get me?

My idol, my king

I look up to you so much

I’m praying, Lord, I’m praying for some bad days

All these problems got me in my ways

Man I lose myself thinking about all this pain

Now when the tables gonna turn my way?

There’s no quitting now

Listen, I’m the man now

And I can’t give up now

I need you to stick around