Ace Insurance Man - Bobbie Gentry

Two men sittin' in straight back chairs

Feet propped up on the railin'

Sittin' in front of the country store

Discussin' how the crops were failin'

About that time a car drove by

With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker

Well, that must be the man been courtin' Abell

He’s somethin' of a city slicker

(Ah, you can tell just in the way he’s drivin' that car)

Do you reckon he’s goin' up to see Abell?

You know her daddy went to Maben this day

And her momma’s been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa

Ain’t nobody home that way

(Ha, ha, 'cept Abell)

Now, I don’t mean nothin' by what I say

But if you won’t say it, I can

She ain’t got no bid’ness alone

With that Ace Insurance man

(Why they’s just no tellin' what might happen)

People ought to keep an eye on they’re kids

You remember 'bout Abby McGuinness

Why’t like’t killed her ma when she found out about it

Course, I know it ain’t none of my bid’ness

But uh, well, if it was me, but if it was me

Well, It might be too late and it would be a pity

Better call up the sheriff in Calhoun City

And have the preacher organize a 'vestigatin' committee

To see what’s goin' on

(Yes, sir and we better hurry)

Tearin' down the road in a pickup truck

With Begley out takin' the lead

Followed by a tractor and a half-lame mule

Dust flyin' as they picked up speed

Faces beamin' goodness and their jaw’s set hard

Good people just doin' what’s right

And off in the distance was Abell’s house

And there wasn’t a soul in sight

Aw, I coulda told you

(Oh, I just knew it)

Now, the gravel was flyin' as they turned the bend

And screeched to a grindin' halt

They went through the fence, into the flower bed

And hit Pa’s first prize hog in the head

And left half a dozen Mama’s chickens for dead

But it wasn’t nobody’s fault

Oh, look at Harvey’s prize hog

And all of them darlin' old grown bad chickens

(We got more important things to tend to, boy)

I wonder if they’re covered?

Committee bounded on the front porch

To meet the enemy face to face

When Abell yelled at 'em through the screen door

«Y'all messed up my Daddy’s place»

In her hand she waved a policy

Said with a Mona Lisa grin

«Well, y’all timed that one just about right

'Cause Ace done struck again, a-heh»