You've Arrived - Ben Caplan

You’ve arrived, that much is clear

God knows where you’re coming from

But, now you’re here

Just relax, but not too much

I need your cooperation to ensure a gentle touch

I will need a volunteer

Maybe two, to get us going

There’s a lot to get through here

Thank you, sir, and thank you, ma’am

Step right up for your exam

You will help to demonstrate

For all eight-hundred-forty-eight

You’ll survive, so have no fear

You have traveled long and far

But now the journey’s end is near

You say, 'Thank you, I’m in your debt'

I would like to say 'You're welcome' but that’s not established yet

We must move through some formalities

Prescribed by the bureaucracy

Upon which we must all agree

Before I can say that you’re free

For the right to own a dollar, a quick check to test for cholera

A formality, I’m certain

«Could I step behind a curtain?»

There’s no time for modesty!

Another boat arrives at three

There’s chickenpox, appendicitis, measles

Polio, bronchitis, typhoid, and a rabid fever

ALL the doctors here are eager!

Now, let’s try a couple poses

Turn around and touch your toeses

And the of course this pose exposes

Places that don’t smell like roses

«But for modesty, God chose us!»

There’s no time for buxom hosers!

But as the brush brush hair hits your noses

You must have got tuberculosis

Just a little degradation

Before you can join our nation

Do you accept our invitation?

Conditional

Only verified

And certified

Certificate

Of sanitation!