Cosmopolitan Girl - Janis Ian

i was only 29 and lonely as a bull moose in heatwhen he came along,

singing that same old songi said — you know i'

m entering my primethirty-one to thirty-ninebet you'

ve read the articles, toostatistically speaking, my hormones are creepingi can

feel them moving in the nightbut like the articles say — i am womani can wait

until it'

s righti want to be a cosmopolitan, cosmopolitancosmopolitan girltake half a

dozen lovers,

teach them what i'

ve seeninbetween the covers of my favorite magazinei want to read statistics,

plan logisticslive my life to the hiltwithout shame, without pain,

without guilti hit thirty waiting for my endocrinesto match the

questionnaireshe grew impatient, i said — i'

m saving myselfmeantime, let'

s do some therapytake a course in codependencyand while we'

re at it, you could lose some weightwe'

ve got so much to shareno, don'

t touch me therewhat'

s another year between friendsthe wait will be worth iti'

m bound to be perfect by theni want to be a cosmopolitan,

cosmopolitancosmopolitan girli'

m reading kama sutra — ibought it on cassettei found a chiropractor who can

limber up my necki want that first time flawless, really lawlesslive my life to

the hiltwithout shame, without pain, without guiltthe big day finally camethere

was a note on the doorit said — here'

s a little something to remember me byi'

ve fallen for a waitress who accepts her cellulitethis is a cosmopolitan,

cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan giftand i know that you'

ll appreciate it when you think of meall those empty nights while you'

re protecting your virginitythis gift is flawless, this gift is cordlessso

enjoy it to the hiltwithout shame, without pain, without guiltwithout shame,

without pain, without guiltno shame, no pain, no guilt